Values are life’s most valuable currency and are not taught in politics  

I spent years in City Hall. I sat in meetings, ran campaigns, cast votes, and carried the weight of public decisions. I learned a lot there. But the truth is this. The most important lessons about leadership did not come from elected office. They came from my parents and from the home I grew up in long before anyone knew my name.

Public office teaches you how power works. Family instill values which are life’s currency

Leadership Starts Before Titles

Before I ever held a title, I watched leadership up close. It was not loud. It was not performative. It was live.

My father was orphaned in Italy and brought to the United States from Italy at age 5. They were dirt poor and spoke no English. My grandmother worked in a candy factory and they ultimately opened a corner store . My father earned a full scholarship to Harvard where he met one of his best friends John F Kennedy. My Dad enlisted in Air Force intelligence and later graduated Harvard Law and ran JFKs campaign for Congress and US Senate. My father believed in the underdog. He cried when he heard the National anthem. He believed it was the common man that could and did impact change in the world. He was the ultimate romantic in believing any of us can change the world and taught me life’s blood was friendship. 

My mother led in a different way. She ran the household with quiet strength. When my Father was diagnosed with cancer and died within a year my mother was left with three children alone. We went from middle class to having less than fast.  She was the ultimate warrior and became my north star by example, deed and word.  She expected effort and honesty.  Her behavior of working long hours and many jobs to provide for was a model for me. She maintained amazing grace and dignity in life’s most unfair moments.Later in life she was forced to go to dialysis three days a week. They told her life expectancy was two years. She lived for almost 9 and never acknowledged that prognosis. She did not miss days and was meticulous with her diet. She never complained at all. Rather she treasured her days off and relished going to the house I built in Rockport named “ Nancy’s place”. That kind of leadership is easy to overlook, but it is the kind that holds everything together.

What My Parents Taught Me About Persistence

I learned resilience at home.

My father came over from Italy on a boat as an adopted 5 year old,  His family had no money and spoke no English.  He never met his biological mother and in the prime of his life he enlisted to serve in WW2. He put many years into helping Jack Kennedy get elected to Congress and Senate. He was romantic in every sense abou the underdogs ability to change the world. He believed deeply in two things the impact the common man could have and the power of friendships. Actions follow your values, not the pursuit of status. He made me believe everything was possible and empathy was a guide through life. Losing him young changed made me seize on all his lessons and teaching and freeze frame them. Over time anger of feeling cheated became appreciation for all he left behind. It forced me to grow up early and taught me that time is not something you waste.

My mother taught me something just as powerful. Strength does not need to announce itself. She modeled consistency, grit, and forward motion. When things got hard, she did not panic. She adjusted. She kept the family moving. That example shaped how I respond to adversity more than any speech ever could.She put daily sacrifice as her modus operandi almost like adversity made her go. I definitely became both of my parents. Romantic for change and empathetic but expectant of adversity and the drive to win in its face. 

Persistence Is Learned at the Kitchen Table

Being elected is just the opportunity to help your community. Leadership involves building relationships that lead to consensus and common direction. Persistence and relationships were the key ingredients to my leadership style and both came from my parents.  

There were setbacks in our family. There were moments when things did not go as planned. We went from middle class to poor in about 24 months. We went from stable and loved to chaos.  I learned early that quitting was not an option. You adjusted. You worked harder. You figured out what came next without feeling sorry for yourself. My father taught us and my mother that someone else has it worse and you have to start from where you are. Keep moving forwardno matter what. 

My parents did not talk much about persistence. They modeled it. That mattered more than any lecture. When things got difficult, there was no drama. There was motion.

That lesson stayed with me through lost campaigns, exams that did not go my way, and doors that closed. Persistence is not about stubbornness. It is about refusing to let disappointment stop you.

Values Are Non-Negotiable

In public life, values are often treated as talking points. At home, they were rules.

Honesty mattered. Respect mattered. Accountability mattered. You owned your mistakes and you fixed them. There were no shortcuts and no excuses. My mother would say” dont be cute”. The slightest exaggeration bothered her. My Father spoke plainly about right and wrong.

City Hall is full of gray areas. Compromise is necessary. Politics is complex. But without a clear moral compass, compromise turns into drift. My parents gave me that compass early.

When I faced tough decisions later in life, I did not have to invent my values. I already had them.

Accountability Is Personal Before It Is Public

One of the biggest lessons I learned at home is that accountability starts with yourself.

If something went wrong, you did not blame someone else. You looked at what you could have done better. That mindset stayed with me in office and in my legal career.

In politics, it is easy to point fingers. It is easy to explain away mistakes. The leaders people respect are the ones who own outcomes, good and bad.

My parents did not let things slide. They expected follow-through. That expectation shaped how I lead and how I advise others. I am most proud that I have worked very hard to conquer Demons and change the way I address grief and trauma. I have changed my approach to life and have eliminated unhealthy escape behavior. Being a workaholic and wanting to change and help  the world can be a burden. Emotional maturity, balance and perspective is critical. Strength and success does not require outside audience or affirmation. You have to set your own goals and be proud of yourself.

Public office can distort leadership. It rewards visibility. It rewards confidence. Self promotion and It rewards the appearance of control.

My mother taught me that real strength does not need an audience. She handled challenges quietly and effectively. She did not seek approval. She focused on results. She taught me you do things because it’s the right thing to do and not for credit. When I started Hope for the Holidays she said” you play Santa and raise the money but “ no politics”. 8 years later we have quietly distributed well over 200,000 to families in need.

That lesson helped me navigate public life without losing myself. It reminded me that leadership is not about applause. It is about impact.

Loss Changes Perspective

Losing my father at a young age changed me. It stripped away the illusion that life is fair or predictable or that stability is assured. 

That loss also reinforced the lessons he taught me. Do the work. Do it with integrity. Do not waste time on ego. Friendship more than money is the best insurance policy. My Friends became my extended family. My Friends Dads and coaches and older guys became my mentors. 

Loss taught me a sense of urgency that I brought to City Hall, the Mayor’s office and the state house. Every day is precious. I learned that being shot out of a cannot had to be tempered but I never lost my sense of urgency to get things done.

The Difference Between a Title and Leadership

Holding office gives you a title. It does not automatically give you leadership.

Leadership comes from trust and respect. Trust comes from consistency. Consistency comes from values practiced over time.I say” a great leader does not have a good idea”. That is because great leaders allow ideas to come from others and distribute credit. 

I saw plenty of people in Government with authority and ideas and little leadership. I also saw people without titles who carried real influence because others trusted them and they understood how to build consensus and momentum on the ground.

My parents showed me that leadership is earned long before it is recognized.

Why These Lessons Still Guide Me

Today, when I coach kids, run my charities,practice law, or work in the community, I lean on the lessons I learned at home.

I push for accountability without humiliation. I value persistence over perfection. I respect the quiet work that keeps systems running.

The government allowed me to apply my skills and sharpen my tools of consensus building and leadership. My parents gave me principles. The principles last longer. Values sustain you through any life experience.

Refining Lessons

Leadership is not something you discover in office. It is something you carry into office if you are lucky.

Everything I needed to know about persistence, values, and accountability was taught to me before I ever ran for anything. Politics reinforced those lessons, but it did not create them.

If we want better leaders, we should spend less time teaching people how to win and more time teaching them how to live with integrity. We all make mistakes and veer off course but the values and voices of our parents always bring us back on course   .